Celebrating Threesomes
Last week the sexual health community celebrated Threesome Day. Imagine it is so popular that it has a day dedicated to it. Now let me say upfront that I am too insecure and jealous to even consider it with my partner, but I have to admit that in my fertile fantasy mind it is very sexy!
It’s a common fantasy for him and for her. We might not admit to it for fear of hurting our partner,
In my filing cabinet filled with fantasies threesomes, foursomes and greater groups, fills at least the first two drawers – FFM (female, female, male) and MMF (male, male, female) being the most common.
Popular porn platforms will confirm this.
Let me explain the filing cabinet for you.
- It has three drawers. The top drawer is safe and easily shared with anyone.
This drawer is filled with those fantasies you have no problem sharing when someone picks you up in a bar. Something like: You’d like to have sex in a change booth at a popular retail outlet. It’s edgy but doesn’t reveal too much kink.
- Drawer two is slightly more secret and should only be shared with someone you trust – these fantasies are more out there.
Maybe something like: You want to be tied up and spanked. This fantasy is more common than you can imagine. At Lola Montez we have a gorgeous bondage range by Secret Play. Hugely popular.
- Drawer three is the perverted and kinky (whatever that is for you!)
A caution – these fantasies you keep to yourself, or they will appear in the divorce papers eventually, but back to Threesomes.
What happens when you want to take it a step or two further and make the fantasy a reality?
Whether this is your fantasy, his or both – the first step is that you must both, unconditionally want to- there has to be unequivocal spoken consent. Threesomes can be really tricky!
I know that a threesome is only possible with two complete strangers, who I know I will never have to see again.
I am far too insecure and jealous to share my partner with anyone else. I don’t care how sexy it feels or how much he wants to. But that is me.
I know couples who live the swinger and threesome lifestyle quite comfortably.
They are happy and secure and swear that the lifestyle has taken their intimacy to a whole new level. Be honest with yourself. If you have any doubts, voice them. If you’re afraid that you’re going to lose your partner by refusing to go along with the idea, chances are you’re going to in the future anyway.
After due consideration and discussion, you’ve both decided that you want to here are a few guidelines on how to get started.
Start slow, talk dirty, share the fantasy – tell each other in detail what is happening. How you have picked the third party, is it a woman or man – who is doing what to whom.
With enough imagination just sharing the fantasy verbally makes for an excitingly different orgasm.
You could take this verbal route one step further. How about some hot, dirty three-way telephone sex? While you and your partner are in the same room with the third party on the other end of the line – this is a safer and very exciting option to explore the fantasy.
Try out some fantastic toys which are remote controlled or App enabled – Lovense has a fantastic range – look at the Lush for her and Gush for him. It will feel like there is someone else in the room.
Been there done that and you now want to feel the flesh?
- Make sure that you and your partner have discussed this and have agreed that it is something you both want to do for yourself not for the other partner.
Are you both secure enough to deal with the consequences one the game has begun?
There is no right or wrong here – only consequence.
Yes?
- Then the next step is finding a willing participant.
You may have a friend that you both fancy. Male or female. Sometimes this can happen almost effortlessly.
Dance floors are a great place to get the bump and grind started. If this is not an option, you could raise the possibility in a light hearted conversation. Keep it light-hearted because your friend may be hugely offended by the proposal and look at you in horror, run out the door never to be seen again.
If you see the friend moving in this direction you can make a joke out of it and escape unscathed.
Our shop attendants often get propositioned – but let me just add that they will get fired if they accept. We are not that kind of store!
- You could just pay for it.
Arrange to meet the professional in a public place first. You both want to view the goods. If it meets with your approval you can move on. If not, have a drink, a laugh and move on. This is meant to be a fantasy not a nightmare.
Just remember to practice safe sex – ALWAYS.
The easiest way is to go to a sex or swingers club. The clubs are filled with like minded couples and there is no need to feel shy or embarrassed. You and your partner can take your time to find someone you both find attractive.
The clubs have very strict policies. Only women may approach another couple, no means no and so on. You may find that all you want to do is watch – and that’s okay to.
- Once you have found a willing participant the next awkward step of initiating sex.
Remember that in many ways a threesome is the same as a twosome. You all have to be physically attracted to each other and equally into getting it on. You have to show respect and listen to each other’s wants and needs.
Whatever you do – DO NOT ignore your partner during the experience.
‘A ménage a trois is best enjoyed by free spirited, intelligent and artistic people with progressive minds and bohemian beliefs.’ Ianie Speiser.
My last word – always end with your primary partner, chat about how it felt for both of you. Do it again or don’t but do not feel guilty about what you have done, chalk it up to adventure.
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