Techniques to increase your Libido
Techniques to increase your Libido – It seems as if this year I’m a bit more obsessed with libido. I’ve mentioned before that I’ve been doing a Menopause Mentorship Course and am now happy to announce that I completed it. I got 97% and have an issue with the one question I got wrong.
I was astounded that so little attention was paid to how to manage a lack of libido during the course. Sure, it was mentioned, but absolutely no solutions were offered.
You guessed it, it had to do with libido and lubrication!
No guesses for what this week’s column is about!
5 Techniques to get this done.
- Fantasise and Visualise to increase your libido
The only trick with this one is that you do need an imagination. AI will not help. The answer will come back saying you are breaching community standards and you should ask something else!
Tapping into your erotic side are quick starters. A bit like firelighters at the braai. Your fantasies are a powerful tool to enhance your sexual desire and kick start arousal.
Imagine the different scenarios. One may work for you today but not tomorrow so make sure you have a portfolio available.
I think fantasies can be kept in a filing cabinet in your brain. The first drawer is filled with the pedestrian. By that I mean the fantasies you’ll find in any conversation or popular magazine. Things like sex in a changeroom at the mall. Dressing up like butch policeman. You get the idea. It’s something you can share without having your partner run for the hills.
Drawer two is a bit riskier and may scare your partner. If you really trust them and have known them for longer than a heartbeat, you may consider sharing. Don’t share anything that will be hurtful. Rather keep it in your head for these occasions. Nobody wants to know that you have a fantasy about their sister or brother, or both, together.
The third drawer stays there and only comes out to play when you need a little extra. This is the place for dark and dangerous. Chances are you’d go to jail and when you separate it will appear in the divorce papers. Or as my father used to fear – the back page of the ‘Sunday Times!’
Experimenting with your personal scenarios both during sex or while doing the shopping can have the desired result of lifting your libido and getting you in the mood.
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Explore Erotica
I know that the first thing that came to mind was porn. It doesn’t have to be to increase your libido.
I have an entire collection of books that explore erotica. My personal favorites are Victorian paintings. They’re sweet by today’s standards. I’m not mad about the aggressive in your face porn around. I think they try too hard.
Find something to read, listen to or watch that you find ethical and sexy.
You know why the Fifty Shades Trilogy was so popular? We could read it electronically and nobody could see what we were up to.
I don’t think I have a bondage kink in my body but let me tell you when I read those books, when my partner had an erection, I was all over it. Just because it turns you on in your head does not mean you want a live physical experience. Just play with it in your mind. See what happens.
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Self-Care and Stress reduction
Nobody want to have sex when they are so stressed out, they’re having chest pains or worrying how they are going to feed the children or deal with the 20 hours of work you still have to complete.
I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know. You have to change your lifestyle. Practice mindfulness, try to be present, exercise, eat better, try to get some decent sleep. You have to attend to your overall wellbeing.
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Enhance your environment
Part of self-care includes enhancing your environment. I’m not talking about rushing out and buying a Tantra Couch (available lolamontez.co.za) – although I’d love you to purchase one.
I simply mean making sure your space is clean, tidy and decluttered. There is nothing sexier than crisp clean sheets.
I had a good friend whose bed was always unmade and grubby. I always wondered how he ever got lucky. Truth is he never did. One woman arrived, left and returned with new linen.
Music, candles, linen sprays can all add those extra touches. It does give the feeling of luxury.
At the very least pick up the dirty laundry. Mentally and physically.
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Try new techniques and TOYS!
I cannot believe that in the 21st century I still come across people who are opposed to toys and pleasure products. Just this week I met a man who sneered when I offered his partner a nurse outfit when she attends to his injury.
He thought he would humiliate me, but it turns out I rolled my eyes so loud he scampered off to his cave.
I also met a woman who would not consider the use of lubricant for fear of her partner thinking he was inadequate!
ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!!!! He has nothing to do with the biological function of your menopausal dry vagina.
You want to zoom things up in the bedroom, you have to up your game. They are called TOYS! For play. And they are not the end game. They are the appetizer, the wing man or woman. Nothing beats a remote or app-controlled egg while you’re out for dinner. It’s even better when there are loads of people around and self-control is required. It’s hot man! Check out what’s available on https://lolamontez.co.za/product-category/app-enabled/
Explore different sensations, techniques and positions. After twenty years I guarantee you need to explore a couple more tricks. You may find that the old ways work best, but how will you ever know if you never even try.
Until next week.
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