Orgasms Explained.
Orgasms Explained
What is an Orgasm?
We’re often asked – “how do I know if I’ve had an orgasm? I believe that if you have to ask – You haven’t.
Most of us have heard stories of explosions, quaking thighs and multiple orgasms, leaving some of us to wonder: what am I missing?
The first step to understanding your own pleasure is to not compare yourself to other people or your perception of what everyone else is doing. An orgasmic experience is as unique as a fingerprint.
Orgasms can be barely there, a faint quiver, a showstopper, spiritual outlet and more.
In addition, some people may not desire to experience an orgasm or may never have one. It is estimated that approximate 30% of women will never experience an orgasm. Even now as I battle to have an orgasm, I find this thought extremely sad.
Each person’s sexual experience is unique, and your best bet is to discover your own, rather than try to be like someone else. We highly recommend treating orgasms as a possible, outcome of any sexual exploration instead of the goal of a sexual experience.
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The Emotional and Mental Side of Orgasms.
Orgasms are whatever you perceive them to be. How one feels about themselves, your partner, and sex, will impact a sexual experience.
The brain has been referred to as the largest sex organ. Our ideas around sex, pleasure and our right to pleasure impacts the way we experience pleasure and orgasms.
During partner sex, having open communication, honesty, and telling a partner what you need and enjoy, can help a sexual experience be pleasurable and orgasmic.
Understanding how and why orgasm occurs, we can better understand our own bodies. And the more you know your body, the more easily you can experience pleasure and orgasm.
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The Physiological Side of Orgasms
From a physiological perspective, sexologists Master and Johnson described four general stages of the human sexual response cycle. Use their model as a flexible guideline or reference for understanding your own body’s cycle.
It’s extremely important to remember that everyone is different, and some people may recognize all, a part, or none of the stages in their own personal cycle.
Many variables will affect your sexual response, including age, medication, physical and emotional state and what kinds of sensations you’re feeling.
Your sexual response will change over time, so your past experiences may work better as a place to start.
The Sexual Response Cycle
- Arousal
For many men and women, the sexual response cycle begins with arousal.
There are a wide range of things that people can find stimulating. Anything that taps into your senses — a touch, a fantasy, a smell, a taste, or a thought — can be arousing.
This stimulation triggers an increase in blood flow throughout the body, including but not limited to the genitals.
Increased blood flow to the penis, vulva, clitoris, vagina, lips, pelvic floor, anus, earlobes and nipples can cause those areas to become more aware and receptive to touch.
Men and women both can feel and experience: increased heart rate, muscle tension, general body warmth and flushed skin.
Women may experience vaginal lubrication, swelling of the clitoris and vaginal lips, and lifting of the inner vagina and the uterus.
An important note about lubrication — it is possible for a woman to be aroused and not be very lubricated. There are many possible reasons including: medications such as antihistamines, or hydration levels, dehydration caused by smoking or having a few drinks, or low amounts of oestrogen.
We offer many different lubricants that can make having sex more enjoyable if you’re finding that there’s too much friction. My personal favourite is the Pjur range of lubricants. You can find a variety of them on our website www.lolamontez.co.za
Men may experience penile erection, as well as contractions of the scrotum and elevation of the testicles. Some factors that can affect a man’s ability to become erect are: anxiety, stress, or becoming distracted, as well as general health conditions.
- Plateau
During this phase, excitement and pleasure continue and heighten. In women, the clit may retract under the hood; the outer third of the vagina may become even more congested with blood.
In men, they can begin to secrete a clear glandular fluid, that may contain some runaway sperm. I wish young girls knew this!
During this phase, both erection and lubrication can wax and wane. Responding to these changes and integrating them into your sex can bring more pleasure than trying to force your body to react in any particular way.
If you suffer from premature ejaculation this is the place to practice not having an orgasm. Stop a while and start again. This is easily practiced when masturbating.
- Orgasm
From a physiological and scientific perspective, an orgasm is the release of sexual tension through involuntary muscular contractions.
In both men and women, contractions can take place in muscles throughout the pelvic area.
In men, ejaculation may occur, which is a spinal reflex that releases the built-up muscular tension and reverses blood flow.
Ejaculation and orgasm are two distinct physiological phenomena; some men have trained themselves to experience orgasm separately from ejaculation. This enables them to also have multiple orgasms.
Blood is released from the engorged genital tissue, and they start to return to their normal size.
Orgasms can take many shapes and one is not better than any other, they are just different. It’s all about what works for you, in that moment.
And if you cannot orgasm in the moment – that too is okay.
- Resolution
During the resolution phase the body returns to its resting or un-aroused state. Heart rate, breathing and blood pressure return to normal.
Men can experience a refractory period, after ejaculation, where they are unable to achieve another erection. The refractory period can be as short as a few second to a few hours. It takes longer as you age.
If you want to have orgasms more frequently here are some tips:
- Attitude: Keep it positive. “I am a sexy sensual person.”
- Know yourself: If you haven’t already done so break out the hand-held mirror and get to know your own genitals. Experiment with different sensations and discover what you like.
- Masturbate: Many experience their first orgasm during masturbation. Some find that during doing solo play, not have the concerns of how you look. Feel free to spend as much time as you would like, have a quickie or a long hot solo session. Get creative with techniques.
- Get yourself a toy. I know it can be scary to choose your first one so next week I’ll write about how you go about choosing.
It’s time to level up your orgasm and as we all know – practice makes perfect.