Are we having sex too soon?
Someone recently asked me how I come up with the topic for every week and the truth is that I usually base it on something that has happened during the week.
Sometimes it’s the news, an email or something I’ve overheard. It’s interesting that over the years women have become more open to talking about sex with their friends and it’s often not pretty.
Yesterday I overheard a group of women talking about how little effort men put in (excuse the pun) and expect sex.
The booty call was discussed in detail.
What I found really scary is how difficult it is for women to say no.
It seems that in the age of swipe left or swipe right, sex is almost always on the cards and women are so terrified that they will never have sex again that they are very happy to oblige after a text discussion.
It would seem that ‘Can I pop round for a drink?’ is a clear and unequivocal ‘Can I pop round for sex?’
Now as you know I am very happy for women to be sexually liberated and to have sex for the pleasure of it but this seems to be way out there for me.
So I thought it was time to see how easy it really is.
I am told that there are a couple of rules in the initial contact texting through the APPS.
- No real personal information and
- do not ask personal questions.
- Do not reveal too much information either because it seems to me that there are many loony tunes out there.
The conversation starts with something like ‘We’ve been matched, would you like to chat?’
Then you check out the profile of the person who has contacted you. What does the picture look like? You can’t really be sure that it is a picture of the person contacting you. Let’s accept that on face value it is.
Do you think this is someone you’d like to chat to?
I have a friend who has a profile picture up that makes her look completely unattractive. Her thinking is that if she gets past the shallow ‘looks’ part, if they meet, it’s a pleasant surprise. A bit like under sell and over deliver.
Once you’ve checked out the profile, the fun begins and chatting commences.
You will be surprised at how many people cannot spell and do not know the difference between their and there. I know that texting is more relaxed but not getting the basics right is a deal breaker for me.
It doesn’t take long for the discussion (still on text) to turn sexual, and then you have a decision to make,
how dirty are you going to be?
I think the answer depends on what you want out of this potential interaction.
Is it going to be a sexting experience and you never intend to meet face to face then by all means be a dirty as you like. I would find some well written erotica and plagiarise unashamedly.
It will get you hot under the collar and he will have an orgasm very quickly. The chat then comes to an end – until next time.
If you plan to meet at some stage be very careful what you chat about because you are setting the tone for what will happen next.
If you are looking for a more meaningful relationship then take it slow. Don’t be too dirty because you really don’t know who you are talking to or what the expectation is going to be when you meet face to face.
You may want to portray yourself as a self confident sex goddess but what happens when you are confronted with someone who now expects you to deliver. I think it is a very fine and terrifying line.
Sex is an adult activity based on sane consent but this is where it gets fuzzy.
What is consent?
So back to the discussion I overheard.
Consent to me is ‘Yes, I would like to have sex with you!’
It is not:
- avoiding,
- a mumble or
- having sex so you can get rid of him.
One woman actually said
‘It would be easier to have sex with him if he just took me out for dinner first!’
Is that how low our standards have dropped?
I have a male friend who wonders the same thing.
He thinks that the quicker sex is offered the loonier the tune. But too much work also leaves him cold, he says ‘The cash, blow job ratio is out of sync!’
Are we all so lonely that sex is the only denominator by which we believe we can have a relationship?
What is right date number for sex, first date, third or tenth?
I’m on a mission to find out so please let me have your opinion.
I’d love to hear from men and women so email me today with your ideas – [email protected]