All About Domination and Submission
All About Domination and Submission. Even though it might sound kinky and wild, many couples utilize playfully rough erotic acts in their own bedrooms. We used to call these activities S&M, meaning sadomasochistic. These days sex play that casts one partner in the dominant role and the other in the submissive role (even if they switch off) is referred to as BDSM.
It may surprise you to discover that power and pain can also play a role in pleasure.
BDSM is an acronym for sexual activity that incorporates bondage, discipline, domination, submission, sadism, and masochism— and it may be more common than you think. According to research from the Kinsey Institute, 55 percent of females and 50 percent of males derive sexual pleasure from pain (such as having lovers bite them). And, according to the Durex 2005 Global Sex Survey, 20 percent of people report engaging in “kinky play” with their partners, including the use of blindfolds, bondage, and masks.
Many people find that BDSM is a normal and healthy way to explore their sexuality.
In BDSM behaviors, the individual is deriving pleasure from pain, or pleasure from being completely dominated or completely dominant. The fact that people would enjoy these activities is easy to understand when you study how the brain works: The pain and pleasure centers of the brain are very closely related, and so there are times when it really does “hurt so good.”
It’s also easy to understand why people enjoy playing with roles involving power in the bedroom. Often, who we are outside the bedroom is the opposite of who we want to be inside the bedroom. While this is not always the case, it may be the case at least some of the time.
Being dominated and out of control can feel very sexy.
Especially if you are someone who is typically in control and juggling many responsibilities at once. It can be very freeing and erotic to simply relinquish those responsibilities. Tap into your sexual side without any guilt or pressure. Alternately, someone who is very submissive and passive outside the bedroom might find it very erotic to be controlling and dominant in the bedroom.
Sexuality is complicated and unique, and our needs and desires are ever-changing. This is why exploring and experimenting is so important. If you want to experiment with BDSM, the first thing to do is establish some ground rules with your partner. It’s easy to get caught up in the heat of the moment and lose touch with whether your partner is truly enjoying the pain and domination or wants you to stop.
Create a “safe word”.
It is the unmistakable signal that you want the session to stop immediately. Make sure it’s not a word that might be confused in the heat of the moment —such as moaning the word “stop” or “no,” which can be mistaken for part of the role-play. Instead, use a completely benign word like “horse,” “carpet,” or something to that effect.
Once you have established your safe word, you both are now free to fantasize and let your minds run wild. What types of BDSM behaviors appeal to you and your partner? Do you like the idea of him tying you up? Or do you want him to spank you or bite you? Do you want to play the role of a sex slave and have your partner speak harshly to you or put a collar and leash on you? Would nipple clips turn you on?
Brainstorm together and discuss which behaviors are absolutely off-limits. How you will determine who is in charge and who is submissive. Take turns and be creative…as long as you are being safe and careful, it’s all fantasy and all fun!