Love yourself first.

Love Yourself First

Love yourself first this Valentine’s Month. It’s February already! The Month of Love and before you break out in hives and worry about the status of you love life, today is not about that.

I don’t believe that you can have a successful relationship with anyone when you are at war with yourself. So instead of obsessing about your lack of love and significant other, give yourself a break and fall in love – with yourself.

As if it is that easy.

I remember doing a course where we were all required to look at ourselves in a long mirror.

We were fully dressed but I remember the discomfort and the tears welling up. It seemed like such a stupid thing to do, but the long-lasting impact is still with me today.

I remember thinking how unattractive I was. Let’s face it – I’m not beautiful, I have freckles all over my face and body and now with age, darker age spots and wrinkles. Sigh.

I am smart though, but nobody ever walked into a bar and said –

‘Wow! Look at that IQ’.

As I’ve aged I am more appreciative of the fact that I could never trade on my looks because if I did I would be in a flat panic every time I look in the mirror.

Not that I don’t do that now.

Falling in love with yourself seems to be much harder than falling in love with some loser who will break your heart. We are just so desperate to be seen, loved and appreciated. We put all our effort into it and fail to build a solid foundation.

We take all those reckless swipes to heart. I remember my first husband saying ‘Well, you’re no Miss Universe!’ It crushed me – I know I’m not, but I thought I was his. And you know what? He doesn’t even remember saying it.

I will always be scarred by a boy at school.

A particularly nasty piece of work who told all and sundry that he would fuck me if I put a bag over my head. The fact that I would never choose someone like him to have sex with didn’t seem to be part of the discussion.

I share these with you because I can, they no longer define me. They still hurt but they no longer matter.

You have to start loving yourself and more than that forgiving yourself.

There is one simple exercise you can do. I said simple – not easy!

• Stand in front of a full-length mirror – naked if you can, fully clothed if you must.

I know what you are going to do. You are going straight for the jugular – I hate my ….

But what you should try very hard to do is – I love my…

Have you ever thought how absolutely fabulous your super flawed body is?

Your feet carry you everywhere you go. Your legs keep you upright and allow you to walk. Your hands prepare meals that sustain you. Your eyes see.

Maybe you only love your eyelashes today – that is the only thing you look at today. Be grateful for them. I think I have the most gorgeous ankles and yet I cover them with jeans almost every day. So today I’ll wear a skirt so I can see my beloved ankles.

Think about all your parts and find a reason to love them. They all perform the most wonderful function that makes you the best version of you, and who wouldn’t want to love that!

If you spend your time hating your thighs, think about what you can do about that? If you can make it better, then by all means try. If not learn to love.

Some days I really love my knees and I have great breasts. I can’t do anything about my bone structure, I don’t have the money or the courage for a face lift! I consider using duct tape on my neck every other day.

Some days I feel glorious and other days I concentrate on my ankles. The point is I love this body and if I choose to share it with bag man – that’s my prerogative.

This is the sex column of course so you know where I’m going next.

You do not need a significant other to have fantastic orgasms. If you’re on your own or even in a relationship, there is no reason why happiness by the body should end.

Orgasm is good for you. It makes you look younger, gives you a spring in your step and dissipates that desperate look we sometimes have.

Falling in love with yourself requires you to understand how all the bits work. We have nose to smell, eyes to see, fingers to feel and a clitoris for pleasure. Find it and discover all it can be.

This month of love you should spoil yourself. Have a haircut, a mani or a pedi but definitely get yourself a vibrator. It is the gift that keeps giving.

Pop over to my site www.lolamontez.co.za and explore all the options available to you. And then show me some love by buying! Or at least following me all social media.

Please.