All men are Johns?
Are all men Johns? At the International HIV Conference held in Durban some years ago Health Minister Aaron Motsoaledi announced that as a result of the high HIV infection rates in girls between the ages of 15 and 24, he is raging war on ‘Blessers’.
Put simply ‘Blessers’ are Sugar Daddies. Older men who shower young girls with gifts, ranging from air time and groceries to designer label handbags and university tuition.
We have sex for many reasons: Pleasure, procreation, recreation, coercion, obligation, gratitude, sympathy and transactional sex.
It’s transactional sex I want to talk about.
Let me state upfront that if you choose to have transactional sex for any reason, that’s your business and your right. Just be aware that you may land up with more than you bargained for.
You’ve heard the saying, ‘All women are whores’!
But what if we turned it on its head and rather say that ‘All men are Johns!’ How would that change the debate?
I have never heard a man admit to having paid for sex and yet I can almost guarantee that you have, in one way or the other.
Some woman, somewhere, once in your life had sex with you out of some sense of misplaced gratitude or obligation.
She had sex with you, not because of your stunning good looks and amusing personality.
Or because you smelled great or because of your sexual prowess. She had sex with you because she felt she owed you for something. Whether that was because you paid for dinner or just to get rid of you, she had a reason. Maybe she had sex with you just because she was horny and felt like sex.
However it went down – you paid for sex and that makes you a John!
Oooh I bet there are some of you who are about to stroke from the raise in your blood pressure and I bet that one or two of you even wants to come over and teach me a lesson.
Well now you know how I feel when I am compared to a whore.
Blessers.
‘Blessers’ are not new and they are not an African problem. In America it’s called ‘sugaring’, there is even a website you can join called ‘Seeking Arrangement’.
A woman or man has sex with a richer man for goodies. It’s the way some have paid for their education. Some have left university because it has become so lucrative. It is purely transactional. They have sex and get the equivalent value of goodies on their wish list.
It’s been called soft prostitution, but its prostitution pure and simple but this is where I have a problem. These women are called whores, prostitutes and sluts and the men taking advantage are called ‘Blessers’ or Daddies’! Such lovely words for a predator and loser!
Let’s start finding words that shame them rather than praise them for paying the vulnerable for sex. John just doesn’t cut it.
It reminds me of a client (in my attorney days) who called his soon to be ex-wife a whore. My response was that it may be so but how did he feel as the man who was voluntarily married to a whore? He fired me.
There are days that I wish I had someone to come along and take care of me.
I’m a bit more expensive because I want my bond paid, in full, a trip to Japan and a new car, all in return for some sex. But then reality strikes. I’m just not prepared to pretend and pay in blood.
When you accept payment I think you give away a part of your soul. It’s disrespectful to everything you can be and the stuff you get might be more than you bargained for.
The highest HIV infection rate is in Sub Saharan Africa among girls between the ages of 15 and 24 and in that demographic 76% of those infections are from ‘Blessers’. If you escape HIV you also have a much higher chance of being impregnated. Both are life sentences so I hope that your phone or handbag was worth it.
And for you, the John, how pathetic are you that the only way you can get the sex you want is to give a girl a phone or a bag.
Sex in the 21st Century has become a disposable commodity.
It’s no longer sacred or a question of self respect. It’s just something you do to survive regardless of your own pleasure and that really saddens and angers me.
For as long as women are not economically empowered they will be at risk.
They think that sex is the easy way out of poverty until a disease or a baby drags them further in. The John will eventually move on and leave you literally holding the baby.
A ‘Blesser’, should be called a ‘Curser’ or something even more degrading and despicable. The Curser is taking advantage of a girl who just wants to survive.
If the Curser really wants to help her as so many of them claim, why not give her these goodies without expecting to put his penis into her as payment. A John indeed!