MARCH 2009

Ever considered anal sex? Yours not hers! Naught - I hear you gasp. I’m not gay – I hear you defend.

Before you stop reading I recently sold over R300 000.00’s, worth of prostate stimulators in only 3 days. Granted it was at Erotica in London, but it was mainly to straight men and many of those purchased with their partners.

Our maker had a sense of humour. He put yours inside and mine on top. I am referring to the prostate (yours) and the clitoris (mine). I have the additional benefit of a G-Spot but then again you have a penis. I thought the penis was the spot and have spent a lifetime learning how to handle it with care. So I was as surprised as you to discover two additional areas of pleasure.

The prostate is situated in the rectum on the front side of your body (a reasonable finger length up). It is responsible for secreting the fluid that carries sperm and has something to do with urine flow. It feels like a small walnut. If it’s bigger than that see a doctor. This area is known as the male G-Spot and is pivotal in controlling and increasing an erection, orgasm, and ejaculation. The prostate and the perineum (the area between the anus and testicles) are the command centres for sexual pleasure.

One willing partner and a condom covered finger, plenty of lube later I was ready to try my newly discovered secret. Oh baby, the results were – a bit like Mount Vesuvius! A word of warning for you enthusiasts, the anus lining is very sensitive and fragile so no hanging or long nails. Because of the septic nature of this area one should always use a condom, even on toys.

Subsequent to finger exploration we have discovered a range of toys to assist with the play. Namely a Libido Wand manufactured by Pout, anal beads and a Glide (for first time users) or Excel, both manufactured by Nexus. There are plenty of other toys on the market but these are the ones I can recommend with confidence. Strap on vibrators are slowly becoming one of the best selling toys for heterosexual couples as fears and taboos are overcome.

Willing to try? This is how you should go about it. To experience ultimate anal pleasure, the first thing you need to do is relax - so have a shot of tequila. A warm bath will also help relax the muscles and ensure that it is a clean experience. If you are anal you can clean the area with a rectal syringe or douche. A condom as mentioned earlier helps in this department.

The anus does not produce sufficient amounts of lubricant for comfortable insertion so it is essential to ensure that a liberal amount of water based lubricant is used. Try Assegai, Eros, ID Lube or Wet. Water based lubes are condom and toy safe. The lube can be applied sensually into the anal area or directly onto the finger or toy. Take your time, the more relaxed you are the better.

The sphincter muscles within the anus do not allow things to pass unless you relax and it takes a bit of time to get used to the sensation of having an object inserted. My willing partner advised that first time it was not comfortable, but when we hit the prostate the look on his face said it all and the primal groan confirmed.

To help get comfortable with the sensation try placing your hand on your stomach and breath in deeply, slightly squeezing your buttocks together as you inhale. Slowly exhale feeling your stomach and buttocks relax. Repeat the process gradually increasing the intensity. The initial sensation is described as wanting to go to the toilet, but it passes! For additional pleasure stroking the penis or giving a BJ is also recommended.

First couple of times round I just couldn’t get the rhythm - it took me years to perfect the penis after all – so I got willing partner to take the reigns so to speak. It was helluva sexy watching him, so I kinda forgot to take notes, but with guidance I eventually got it. During our research - for this article naturally - we used anal play as foreplay and as an end game. Both are recommended.

Now why would a gal want her guy to have a prostate induced orgasm? The orgasms experienced during and after prostate stimulation are heightened and very intense. There is some research to say that prostate massage may help prevent prostate cancer. If you do it right the orgasm can be extended and erection encouraged.

The prostate stimulated orgasm is very different from a penis induced orgasm. You can have multiple orgasms without an erection with prostate induced orgasms. This ideal play if you suffer from erectile dysfunction and if the stats are correct many of you do or sadly will at one stage or another.

All good.

Will it not make you question your sexual orientation? Let’s put it this way – willing partner is still around despite being many years younger than me and to my knowledge has not gone off to have an affair with Dave. During my Erotica experience women seemed very keen to try the Nexus.

It’s considered risky behaviour which immediately adds to its attraction.

It’s risky in that tears to the lining can happen which increases the risk of HIV infection or other STD’s. So use a condom – always! Erica Boyer said ‘Anal sex is not dirty sex but good, clean, nasty sex’.

One liberated man said ‘The thing that girls don’t know is how deep you’ve got to go – and you’ve got to go deep! And make sure her nails are manicured’. His girlfriend then called from the lounge, ‘Come and watch the Bulls, there is nothing queer about them!’ I guess I touched a nerve.

Another could not get over how much he ejaculated after his prostate had been massaged. I think the words he used were ‘Haba haba!’

If I have peaked your interest and now you are not sure how to approach the subject with your partner, here is some advise: Not on a first date!

Many clients have said that their partner would never consider anal sex only to discover that the partner is exceptionally keen. It’s like anything in a relationship – a question of communication. I know that is a very girly word but if you want a grand sex life full of adventure and exploration you are going to have to show and tell. If she thinks worse of you and accuses you of deviant behaviour remind her that in the most advanced civilizations anal sex was practiced for recreation, as opposed to procreation.

Explore the subject during that talk about fantasies. Yes, we all have them. Tell her you read this article, heard the boys talking at the gym or just give her the article. Confirm that just because you want to try it does not make you a moffie but that you merely want to explore another pleasure zone. If she is not interested you can always try it on your own first.

The 7 step guide

GETTING STARTED

Put aside a couple of hours where you will not be disturbed and can totally relax. Grab a couple of towels, some good quality lube and perhaps an erotic DVD. Have a long hot bath. Give yourself a good clean. Whilst the anus is usually free of faeces – it is a passage not a retainer you may want to use a douche to make sure. As the anus does not have a natural lubricant lubrication is very important. Silicone lubricant is often the best because it lasts longer and does not have to be reapplied. Try Eros, Pure or Wet. Cover the play area with the towels and set out everything you may need. You will need patience, an open mind and the removal of expectations. Everything you do will be slow, careful and exciting. Relax and enjoy the sensations.

RELAX & BREATHE

Good things come to those who practice. Learning how to deeply relax and connect your mind to your body improves the success of anal explorations with a prostate massager.

Start your session with some deep breathing and feel how each breath enters and exits your body. Lie down and feel your diaphragm moving. Concentrate on relaxing each of your muscles. Forget all those preconceived notions of male sexuality.

AROUSE YOURSELF

This part is entirely up to you – do whatever turns you on. Don’t concentrate on our penis, but do feel free to roam the rest of or body, including your anal area. This sends blood and messages to the prostate, penis, scrotum, anus and abdomen area, warming it up. Put on an erotic movie if you like, just to help tings along.

SLOWLY INSERT THE MASSAGER.

Lie on your side with your knees slightly bent. Make sure the massager (Nexus Glide or a Pout Libido Wand or Pout Dildo) has plenty of lube on it. You also need to prime the anal area with a lot of lube before starting. Slowly and carefully insert the massager into your anus breathing and relaxing your sphincter muscles with each exhalation. Take it very slow. If it hurts, relax, wait – do not extract the massager. Take the time and insert it slowly until the massager fits comfortably inside your anal canal. A word of warning only insert a toy with a flared base or handle into the anal canal as the anus sucks during orgasm. Once the massager is fully inserted just rest and continue your external erotic play while your body gets used to the sensation. Don’t touch your penis and try to be in a position where it is not touching your leg or the bed. This will distract you to the task at hand which is forgetting the penis and concentrating on the prostate, anal canal and perineum.

BREATHE AND GET USED TO IT.

For the next 15 minutes or so you will need to adjust to having the massager inside you. Relax and take deep breaths right down to our abdomen while continuing the erotic stimulation of your mind and body, avoiding your penis. When you feel comfortable with it inside you, you may feel a slight tightening of your prostate against the toy. The prostate engorges with blood upon arousal, and this is why you can feel it. This is what will provide the stimulation to milk your prostate and have explosive orgasms.

START SMALL CONTRACTIONS

Try contracting as you breathe in and let go as you breathe out. Your sphincter muscles will probably quiver involuntarily. This is good and you will feel the effects in your prostate. Play around with the contractions and see how it feels with the long ones, strong ones, short ones and weak ones. Maintaining contractions in the sphincter will cause quivers which stimulates the prostate in a positive way. See what feels good and just play. Keep the erotic stimulation on other parts of your body and build yourself into a rhythm.

TAKE IT FURTHER

Lying on your back with your knees drawn to your chest is the most effective way of experiencing explosive body orgasms but it may not be how you find success with your toy to begin with. Try kneeling or lying in another position and see what effect this has. Keep breathing and focus on your prostate and general abdomen area. The perineum is an acupuncture point and whilst each man is biologically the same the exact spot varies minutely between men. The spot is usually half way between the scrotum and anus. It feels softer than the rest of the area and by massaging it along with the prostate I is often an important ingredient to achieving he much coveted male G-Spot orgasm.

KEEP PRACTICING.

Try different things, talk to people and read up forums. Every experience with a prostate massager is different but the sensations are normally very similar. Once you have got the hang of this you can try Nexus Excel, Nexus Vibro or vibrating butt plugs. Always ensure that you clean your toys with warm soapy water or a toy cleaner (try Safe and Clean or Eros Toy Cleaners) and dry with a lint free cloth to prevent bacteria from infecting your toy.

If you don’t achieve success right away, don’t panic. Keep trying.

NEXUS EXCEL The big boy in the Nexus range. This toy for him will stimulate his prostate and perinium at the same time leading to a prostate induced orgasm that will have him begging for more. R600.00 BUY NOW	SIN 5 ANAL BEADS They are flexible and easy to take care of. The different structures of the individual beads guarantee a wide variety of vaginal and anal stimulation. R525.00 BUY NOW	LIBIDO WAND A clear wand with swirls of pink or blue manufactured by Pout in South Africa. For those of us who don't want the vibration. R165.00 BUY NOW
EROS SILICONE LUBE Eros silicone based medical grade lubricant - Safe to use with latex condoms. Odourless, colourless and neutral tasting. Long lasting, high yield and leaves skin feeling silky soft. Also great for anal sex. R220.00 BUY NOW	OMEGA BUTT PLUG This long handled vibe is perfect for couple play with the perfectly curved tip to get to all your desired pleasure spots. R150.00 BUY NOW	ZULU BUTT PLUG Ideal for those of you starting to experiment with anal sex. Manufactured in SA. R115.0 BUY NOW
VIBRATING BUTT PLUG First there was the egg and now the butt plug. This remote vibrating plug works for up to 8 metres and adds a whole lot of surprise to the anal experience. R580.00 BUY NOW