JAN 2010

On a pole and a prayer
– the hazards of partying like a pole dancer by Sophia Munnik

Pole Dancing parties are always a fantastic way to spice up a girls’ night in or a bachelorette party but a prayer meeting?  I arrived at the venue expecting the standard fare; a group of giggling girls ready for some naughty fun and gyrating hips. What I got was a little more surprising!

I’d arrived at about 9.00 and immediately set up my pole on the back porch while my colleague finished up her Lola Montez demonstration. The hardest part of setting up a pole is making sure its perfectly straight; miraculously I’d gotten it right first time so I quickly popped off to the loo as women began to filter in and shriek in delight at the presence of my pole. When I got back however something was amiss; the pole had been shifted and was now at an interesting angle although still firmly pressed against the ceiling. It was evident that someone of generous proportions had tried their hand at pole vaulting! Correcting the angle proved to be far more of a mission than erecting the pole in the first place! And although they meant well the two lovely ladies who were trying to assist me made the process more drawn out and hazardous for my poor pole! They attempted to yank the pole back into place while ignoring my protests that the pole needed to be lowered before it could be “yanked”! Communications problem finally fixed my pole now stood erect and as straight as before! At which point it began to bucket down. I had been there for an hour and no pole dancing had as yet taken place. I now had to move my pole inside; which apparently was all the indication my gracious host needed to start her prayer meeting!

Apparently a prayer meeting was called for to offset the potential sins involved in buying sex toys and learning to pole dance! Having set up the pole in a matter of minutes I was now obliged to wait until the prayers were over before I could continue; I’m afraid in this area my religious knowledge failed me; how long should one wait before interrupting a prayer in order to pole dance? And is pole dancing an adequate excuse for prayer interruption? Rather than face this moral dilemma I decided to wait the hour that it took to absolve them of their kinky thoughts! Once the party got started though it was hard to stop! The ladies all wanted a turn on the pole and we were even interrupted mid-spin by one of the guests now scantily clad in her Lola’s lingerie who wanted to give a demonstration of her newly acquired pole dancing skills and boy could she dance! But all good (and interesting) things must come to an end and I finally left the venue at 11.30 (2 and a half hours later!) with my prayer pamphlet firmly tucked under one arm and my pole under the other I was now morally prepared to face the world!