We often hear that sex is good for you and it is. It’s not just about procreation as some would have us believe. It is also about so much more. It’s about connection, intimacy, pleasure and health. 200 orgasms a year will also make you look about 4 years younger!

It can cause or release stress and very often many of us just stop having it.

The reasons are many ranging from a loss of libido or partner to depression and lack of self-esteem. Whatever the reason we stop it will affect your health.

Physical Health Impacts

Not having sex can affect your physical health.

Regular sexual activity has health benefits. It improves cardiovascular health; The absence of sexual activity may contribute to higher risks of heart disease.

Regular intimacy maintains muscle strength.  Intimacy, including affectionate touch, is known to boost the immune system. A lack of it can lead to lower immunity over time. Sure, you could increase your alternative exercise routines but is it as much fun?

Menopausal women who have regular sex report having fewer physical and mental symptoms. If you stop having sex your physical health can deteriorate over time.

Pain Management: Endorphins released during intimacy can help reduce pain perception. Without this natural release, chronic pain conditions may feel more intense.

Mental Health Considerations

This activity is also great for maintaining your mental health. We all know that having sex releases all our happy hormones which are essential for our mental wellbeing.

Intimacy fosters a sense of connection. A lack of it may lead to feelings of isolation and loneliness, which can increase the risk of depression and anxiety.

Some of the hormones associated with sex include oxytocin, endorphins and serotonin. These hormones are essential for helping reduce stress and anxiety.

Physical intimacy, including sex, helps reduce stress by releasing endorphins and oxytocin. Without it, stress levels may remain elevated, leading to negative health outcomes.

These hormones help improve mood and energy levels. Without sex and the release of these hormones anxiety and loneliness may increase, having an adverse effect on mental health.

Sexual activity and close physical connections improve blood flow to the brain and are associated with better cognitive functioning. A lack of intimacy might contribute to mental fatigue or reduced clarity.

Relationships and Social Connections

Sexual intimacy between couples plays an important role in bonding and connection

Many clients report that they no longer have regular sex with their partners. It often leads to hurt, blame and affairs. Many end up in divorce. I find this incredibly sad because intimacy can be so much more than sex. This is a column for a different time.

In relationships, a lack of intimacy can create distance, resentment, or miscommunication between partners, which may lead to relationship dissatisfaction or breakdown.

For single individuals, the lack of intimacy might decrease confidence in forming or maintaining romantic relationships.

Self Esteem

Women of a certain age will tell you that one of the disturbing consequences of being that age is that we feel invisible. Let me explain.

I have never been beautiful but when I walked into a room I owned it. People would look up and notice. As I’ve aged this happened less and less and now, I can walk in and out of a room and I don’t think anyone will notice. I may as well be invisible.

Because I never traded on my looks it doesn’t really worry me, or does it? I have noticed after all.

Having sex on a regular basis can reinforce our feelings of desirability and attractiveness. Not having sex regularly can therefore do the opposite. It can have a profound effect on our self-esteem.

In turn, lack of self-esteem can impact our mental and physical health which impacts our relationships and so the viscous cycle continues to spiral.

Hormonal and Menopausal Considerations

Hormonal Imbalances: Sex and intimacy help regulate hormones like oxytocin, dopamine, and oestrogen. Without them, hormonal imbalances can exacerbate mood swings or other physical symptoms, particularly during menopause.

If you are no longer having regular sex for whatever reason I urge you to reconsider your options. It is important if you want to live well. Let me suggest a couple ways to help.

Coping Strategies

• Communication: For those in relationships, open communication about intimacy needs is essential.
• Non-Sexual Intimacy: Hugs, cuddling, and holding hands can fulfil the need for connection and oxytocin release.
• Therapy: Speaking with a therapist or coach (like a menopause coach) can help address emotional or sexual challenges.
• Self-Exploration: Self-care, masturbation, or exploring sensuality independently can maintain sexual health and wellness.

for more tips, techniques and products

Instagram – @lolamontezboutique

Facebook – https://www.facebook.com/LOLA.MONTEZ.PAGE

YouTube- https://www.youtube.com/SharonGordonLolaMontez

The post Health Issues and Sex appeared first on Lola Montez.

Lubricants are not all equal. When I was first married there was only one kind of lubricant available. It obviously wasn’t sold as a lubricant because that would have been too risky and embarrassing to buy.  Considered a medical aid for suppositories and the like. Thick in substance and went sticky almost as soon as it was applied.

I only found out about lubricants for intimate pleasure when I started the Lola Montez Brand about 22 years ago. Even then I didn’t understand it. We stocked one popular brand simply because we had to.

At my first international industry show, I learnt that there are lubricants and then there are lubricants, and they are not all made equally. More importantly I learnt that it is the most valuable accessory to your sexual health.

You may think that only old dried-up prunes need lubricant, but you couldn’t be further from the truth. Sure, when your body doesn’t provide enough lubrication (and there are so many reasons for this), it should be the first thing you reach for, but it has so many other uses.

There are three basic categories of lubricant:

• Water-based
• Silicone based
• Oil based

In those three categories there are flavoured lubricants, stimulants and lubricants that warm up or cool down, increasing blood flow and stimulation.

Let’s start with Water based lubricants.

These are probably the most common and available at pharmacies and even supermarkets. At my local supermarket the lubricants are kept in the kiosk where they sell the cigarettes.

Not sure why because the brand they stock is not high value and should be kept in the cosmetics isle, Even I feel self-conscious to ask for a bottle. First, I have to explain what I’m looking for and then guide the assistant to the shelf because she clearly has no idea what I’m talking about.

Then I get angry because no one should be so humiliated for buying what I consider an essential household item.

A water-based lubricant’s main ingredient is water, so it will dry out much quicker than a silicone based one. If it is not great quality, it will also become sticky and make little balls.

A good water-based lube won’t do that. It will still dry out but will not go sticky.

A water-based lubricant is more cost effective than a silicone base one. But that does mean that you will use more of it. It does feel like the body’s natural lubrication.

It is also easier to clean off the sheets and best of all it is compatible with adult toys, condoms and pleasure products.

Water-based lubricants do often contain preservatives and other ingredients that could lead to irritation. So do test it on a small sensitive area before you jump into a full play.

Read the ingredients list to see if it contains anything you may have an allergy to.

Almost every water-based lubricant contains one or more of these ingredients; Glycerin, Petroleum Oils, Chlorhexidine, Gluconate and Polyquaternium. They are mostly harmless unless you have a particular allergy.

I’m not a fan of the warming or cooling lubricants as they are too intense for me, but I have clients who absolutely love them.

Silicone Based Lubricants

Silicone lubricant takes ages to dry out and may even leave a thin layer on your skin until it is washed off.

It is less easily available; my supermarket and local pharmacy definitely don’t stock any. Believe me – I’ve looked and asked.

The worst thing about silicone -based lubricants is that they are not always compatible with sex toys. Some are but at the price of adult toys these days I wouldn’t take the chance. They are also more difficult to remove from the sheets and will require a hot wash. If you are worried simply put a towel down.

Some Silicone lubricants are hypoallergenic and contain no preservatives.

They don’t dry out and a small drop goes a long way. They can also be used in the bath or shower without washing off. An important consideration with all the new pleasure products available.

They are compatible with condoms, just don’t use too much on the inside of the condom because it is extremely slippery.

A good silicone lubricant does not go sticky, nor does it form little balls. It is probably the best lubricant to use for anal sex.

Oil Based Lubricants

Oil-based lubricants are even scarcer to find. They are NOT condom compatible so please don’t take the chance. Also not suitable for anyone struggling with UTIs or Yeast infections. They are also more difficult to remove from the skin.

Most oil-based lubricant is plant based, and some are organic. Oil-based lubricants can hydrate and improve elasticity. They are often used for massage. If they are perfumed do not use near the genitals for this rather use coconut oil.

Oil-based lubes will last longer than water-based lubricants but not as long as silicone. They are also much harder to clean off the sheets and may cause staining unless washed properly.

My most favourite brand of lubricant and stimulants is Pjur.

It’s manufactured in Germany and is imported; it may be a bit more expensive than local brands, but you will use less, and it will last longer.

My favourite local brand of stimulants is Eva, they do a Clitoral, G-Spot and Tightening serum and gel. I haven’t found a local brand of lubricant that doesn’t go sticky but the best on the market by far is Assegai.

Pop to the website lolamontez.co.za to read about the different uses for lubricant and for the readers a discount on Pjur and Eva products until the end of the month. Use the voucher number SSLube25.

Until next time.

Please follow me on social media

Instagram – @lolamontezboutique

Facebook – https://www.facebook.com/LOLA.MONTEZ.PAGE

YouTube- https://www.youtube.com/SharonGordonLolaMontez

The post Lubricants are not all equal appeared first on Lola Montez.

as a result of an article published in the Saturday Star – see the links and article below

Read the original article here – https://iol.co.za/saturday-star/opinion/2026-01-16-seven-tiny-relationship-shifts-that-matter-more-than-grand-gestures/

Why does power taste like cream soda?  Sexologist and Relationship Coach Sharon Gordon 

. #AfricanDiaries #RelationshipTips #LoveMatters #SmallShiftsBigImpact

https://x.com/channelafrica1/status/2022111948251476023?s=20

How many orgasms are enough in a year?  Sexologist and Relationship Coach, Sharon Gordon 

. #AfricanDiaries #ChannelAfrica #LoveAndIntimacy

https://x.com/channelafrica1/status/2022114689753509918

Small Shifts, Big Love: Seven More Tiny Changes That Strengthen Your Relationship

Last week, I wrote about how small, intentional changes can quietly transform a relationship over time. Not the dramatic, movie-worthy gestures but the everyday moments that build emotional safety, trust, and intimacy.

One of the simplest practices I shared was the 60-second check-in: asking your partner once a day, “How are you really—physically, emotionally, and mentally?” It works because it signals care without trying to fix anything.

This week, I want to build on that idea with seven more small shifts that can make a meaningful difference especially in long-term relationships where love is steady but often taken for granted.

1. Say One Appreciation Every Day

Not a generic “thanks,” but something specific: “I appreciated how you handled that call today,” or “Thank you for making me laugh when I was tired.”

Why it works: our brains are far better at noticing what’s wrong than what’s going well. Daily appreciation gently retrains that focus.

Feeling valued keeps love from becoming invisible and invisibility is one of the quietest killers of intimacy.

2. Pause Before You React

When irritation flares, take one breath before responding. Even saying, “Let me think about that for a moment,” can change the entire tone of a conversation.

Why it works: a pause moves us out of emotional reactivity and back into rational response.

Most relationship damage happens not because of conflict, but because of words said in moments we wish we could rewind.

3. Build a Daily Non-Sexual Touch Point

A 10-second hug. Holding hands. A reassuring touch as you pass each other in the kitchen.

Why it works: touch releases oxytocin, the hormone that promotes bonding and lowers stress.

When non-sexual touch disappears, couples begin to feel like co-managers of a household rather than partners. I cannot stress how important this one is. Many of feel that we only get touched when you want a shag. It’s exhausting.

4. Ask One Curious Question a Day

Not about logistics, but about their inner world: “What drained you today?” or “What are you looking forward to this week?”

Why it works: curiosity communicates interest without pressure.

People continue to grow and change. Healthy relationships are those where partners keep learning about each other, rather than assuming they already know.

5. Repair Quickly, Not Perfectly

After a misunderstanding, aim for a simple repair: “I didn’t mean to hurt you,” or “I can see how that came across.”

Why it works: quick repair prevents emotional distance from settling in.

Strong relationships are not conflict-free they are repair-rich. You should feel safe enough to have the difficult conversations without one of you going full tilt!

6. Protect One Shared Ritual

A morning coffee, a weekly walk, a nightly check-in before sleep.

Why it works: rituals create predictability and safety, even when life feels chaotic.

Shared rituals remind couples that “we” still exists beyond stress, schedules, and responsibilities. It’s important to keep them going because it’s so easy to skip and then never do again.

7. End the Day on the Same Team

Before sleep, offer a sentence that reinforces connection: “We’re okay,” or “I’m glad we’re in this together.”

Why it works: our nervous systems rest better when emotional tension feels contained rather than unresolved.

Going to bed emotionally connected strengthens attachment and reduces long-term resentment.

None of these practices take more than a minute. Yet when done consistently, they create a relationship where both partners feel safer, seen, and emotionally held.

Because in the end, love isn’t sustained by grand declarations it’s sustained by the small, daily choices that say, “You matter to me.”

Although a grand gesture would be appreciated – like a trip to Japan, all expenses paid and visas sorted – sigh!

The post Channel Africa interview with Sharon Gordon appeared first on Lola Montez.

In the landscape of the early 2000s, the “adult store” was a place of neon lights, windowless basements, and a palpable sense of unease. For many women, these spaces felt transactional at best and predatory at worst.

Sharon Gordon saw this not just as a gap in the market, but as a disservice to women’s autonomy and pleasure. Her journey to changing that narrative didn’t begin in a corporate boardroom it began with a divorce and a single pink suitcase.

The Pink Suitcase Revolution

Following her divorce, Sharon found herself at a crossroads. Armed with an entrepreneurial spirit and a vision for a “safe space,” she began hosting small, intimate gatherings for women. She carried her curated selection of products in a signature pink suitcase, traveling from living room to living room.

These weren’t just sales pitches; they were conversations. In these private settings, women felt safe enough to ask the questions they were too embarrassed to ask in a traditional shop. They wanted products that didn’t look like “toys,” but like treasures. They wanted quality, discretion, and, above all, a shopping experience that felt as sophisticated as buying a piece of fine jewellery or a high-end perfume.

The Birth of the Boutique

The demand was immediate and overwhelming. The pink suitcase soon evolved into the first Lola Montez Boutique.

Named after the 19th-century “femme fatale,” dancer, and independent spirit, the brand was built on the foundation of “Boutique Adult Retail.” Sharon’s shops were a radical departure from the industry standard. They featured bright, airy interiors, elegant displays, and staff trained to provide education rather than just a transaction.

Sharon’s mission was clear. Create an environment where a woman could walk in. Feel entirely safe, and leave with a product she would be proud to have on her nightstand.

From Four Walls to the Digital Frontier

The success of the boutique model led to the opening of four physical locations. Each serving as a sanctuary for the Aesthetic Seeker. Sharon recognized that the world was moving online. The need for a safe, luxury digital space was the next frontier.

Today, Lola Montez has transitioned from a local boutique powerhouse into a premier online retailer. The aim is luxury adult products. The brick-and-mortar stores paved the way.  The online platform allows the brand to reach a global audience of women who refuse to compromise on design or dignity.

A Legacy of Elegance

Sharon didn’t just build a store; she pioneered a movement. She took the “shame” out of the shopping experience and replaced it with “sophistication.”

Whether it’s a sculptural vibrator that looks like a piece of modern art or a curated wellness kit, every item offered by Lola Montez today carries the DNA of that original pink suitcase: the belief that every woman deserves a safe, beautiful path to her own pleasure.

Are you an Aesthetic Seeker? Explore our curated collection of luxury intimate products [here].

The post The Origin of Lola Montez appeared first on Lola Montez.

When people walked into a Lola Montez boutique or visit our online store, they often ask: Who was she?

The name wasn’t chosen because it sounded “vintage” or “chic.” It was chosen because Lola Montez was a woman who lived without permission. In a world that demanded women be small, quiet, and invisible, Lola was loud, global, and utterly sovereign.

The Original Rebel: The Real Lola Montez

Lola Montez was a 19th-century dancer and courtesan who understood a secret that most of society tried to hide: power and pleasure are inextricably linked.

At a time when women were legally considered the property of their husbands, courtesans like Lola were among the only women allowed to own property. They were the few who could walk into libraries, engage in high-level political lobbying, and hold court with the most powerful men in the world.

Lola lived on four continents, traversing a globe that wasn’t built for a woman traveling alone. She was a woman of “firsts”—notably, she is believed to be the first woman ever photographed with a cigarette in her hand, a shocking act of public defiance at the time.

But her life wasn’t just about scandal; it was about the full spectrum of womanhood. She ended her days running a home for “wayward” women in New York. Lola proved that a woman who knows the depths of pleasure also knows the depths of compassion. She was a woman who took what she wanted from the world and gave back on her own terms.

The Allende Influence: A Life Without Regret

While the name came from history, the spirit of the brand was sparked by literature. Specifically, Isabel Allende’s sensory masterpiece, Aphrodite: A Memoir of the Senses.

In that book, Allende writes a passage that serves as the unofficial manifesto for everything Sharon Gordon built. Reflecting on a life lived under the gaze of others, Allende writes:

“I regret my diets, the delicious dishes rejected out of vanity, as much as I regret the opportunities of making love that I missed for keeping busy with chores or out of puritanical virtue.”

She concludes with a sentiment that we believe should be every woman’s birthright: “If I had my life to live over again, I would eat more and fuck more.”

Why We Are Here

Lola Montez was founded to ensure that no woman has to reach the end of her life regretting the “delicious dishes” she rejected. Nor the pleasure she denied herself out of a sense of “morality” or “vanity.”

Sharon Gordon started this brand with a pink suitcase and a vision. Create a space where the modern woman could channel her inner Lola. A place where you can be the owner of your own property. The master of your own pleasure, and the lobbyist for your own desires.

We chose the name Lola Montez because we aren’t just selling products. We are honouring a legacy of women who decided to live—fully, loudly, and without regret.

Are you ready to stop rejecting the “delicious dishes” of life? [Explore our Luxury Collection]

The post Rebellion and Romance of Lola Montez appeared first on Lola Montez.

Gifting a Sex Toy. Have you ever thought of gifting a sex toy?

I’m assuming of course that you are enlightened and own at least one if not several adult toys. If not show this article to your bestie and hope for the next birthday present to be a sex toy. Gifting an adult toy is far more powerful than you think.

It’s so much better than bath salts or socks! By gifting a toy, you are helping break down the stigma and taboos associated with toys. We are so ashamed by wanting to own and use them even in the 21^st Century.

By gifting a toy you can have an open and honest conversation about sexual health.

With a bit of luck, the purchaser has been reading my blog and has some education around the subject. Alternatively introduce them to the Lola Montez Brand and let them ask away.

Adult toys are great value for money! It’s not like giving that gift that someone will use once or even regift!

A toy is something you keep. Orgasms never get old. You don’t have to purchase a top of the range toy which will set you back. Even the cheaper mid-range toys are of such good quality today that they last for years.

I often recommend that you start small (and cheap) until you know what you like and then go for quality.

You’ll never look back.

Don’t be afraid to gift a toy to your friends if they are in a relationship or if they’re not. It’s not saying that you think their sex lives are in the gutter. It’s simply saying, I know what can rock your world, with or without your partner.

Toys in a relationship increases intimacy and spices things up. They are the ultimate wingman. Fabulous for foreplay, but how would you know if you don’t share your experiences. Gifting a toy will allow you to do that.

Adult toys are not the enemy!

Having sex and orgasms is extremely good for you. You can give the gift under the guise of being concerned for your bestie’s health.

We know that 200 orgasms a year will make you look four years younger. Oprah said it so it must be true. It also reduces anxiety, helps with depression and burns calories.

Gifting a toy is the one gift your friend will always remember. Can you remember what you got from anyone last year. Unless it was something special that you’ve always wanted, I bet you can’t.

The next time someone asks you what you want for your birthday, Mother’s Day or Christmas I dare you to say a sex toy. You may even want to do some research on which one you’d like.

And then watch their reaction. Hopefully you have a tribe that is so excited by the idea that they buy themselves one as well!

If you want to be guided about what to buy read or blog on lolamontez.co.za/blog, there is loads of information or if you couldn’t be bothered just give us a call and we can give you a personal suggestion.

Happy gifting.

• Instagram – @lolamontezboutique
• Facebook – https://www.facebook.com/LOLA.MONTEZ.PAGE
• YouTube- https://www.youtube.com/SharonGordonLolaMontez

The post Gifting a Sex Toy appeared first on Lola Montez.

Bizarre Sex Records. There is just so little research done on female sexuality. This includes the research on our body parts, how medication affects us, orgasms or the lack of orgasms, vaginismus and menopause.

We are slowly starting. Imagine my surprise when I came across the wildest sex records!

For a bit of fun this week I thought I’d share them. The disclaimer is I’m not sure they have been verified and if so how! We all know that when it comes to matters of sex most of us lie.

Just think about the illusive number.

Men increase the number of sexual encounters they’ve had and women… We decrease the number.

Let’s start with the most dangerous sex position. Reverse Cowgirl Position. While extremely pleasurable for us women, take it easy. According to a study in Advances in Urology, researchers found that nearly half of penile fractures (yes, the penis can break) happened with women being on top, especially the Reverse Cowgirl!

Many of you have been to Thailand where sex toys are banned but shooting ping pong balls out of your vagina is entertainment. Go figure! The next World record is the World’s Strongest Vagina.

It is alleged, and I would have loved to be in the audience that in 2009, Tatyana Kozhevnikova, set the unofficial record for vaginal weightlifting. My first thought – how did she train? She alleges that it took 20 years of kegel exercises to achieve this record.

She lifted 14kg with her vagina.

This was achieved by inserting a wooden egg into her vagina which I presume was then attached to the weights. I’m desperate to know who attached the weights.

This record has been confirmed. It’s the Worlds Most Fertile Woman. Think puppy farm. I’m not sure she was going for a record but there you have it. In the 18^th Century a Russian Woman, name unknown, gave birth to 69 children. She didn’t adopt or foster them – she birthed them.

The number was made up of 16 pairs of twins, 7 sets of triplets and 4 sets of quadruplets. Maybe she didn’t have so much sex but rather was very good at producing multiple eggs at a time. Fortunately, it was the 18^th Century so private school education wasn’t a thing.

I do wonder how they kept them all fed and clothed.

This record is one for the men. I’ve heard about comparing penis size and masturbating in a circle, but I wonder how many of you have participated in this particular competition.

The record for the World’s Most Extreme Ejaculation is a distance of 571.75cm. That’s almost 6 metres!

His name is Horst Schultz. He is also alleged to hold the record for the fastest ejaculation. This being 7.5 km per hour. At this stage I’m on the floor imagining a Metro Cop with that gun thing they measure speed with. I wonder how far away he had to stand. Maybe 7 metres away!

I’m exhausted just thinking about the next two records.

The World’s Longest Self-Love session. It’s a polite way of saying masturbation session. His name is Masanobu Sato and he works for Tenga, a sex toy manufacturer, in Japan. As it happens Lola Montez sells their products.

Sato won the annual Masturbate-a-thon fundraiser, an event created to destigmatize solo sex and self-pleasure. Oh, please someone organize one here!

The record he set was 9 hours and 33 minutes.

Making him a world class wanker.

I wonder how many paintings Pricasso has painted with his penis in one day?

Let’s get to the World’s most Orgasms in an hour. I can barely push out one a week and here we have world records!

Most orgasms for a man in one hour recorded is 16!. The Centre for Marital and Sexual Studies in California records 134 orgasms from a single woman in one hour. The most ever documented.

I’m wondering if this was on her own with her favourite vibrator or with a partner? And then what did she do with the rest of the day?

The largest collection of condoms is made up of 2,077 different types from around the world and was owned by an Italian, Amatore Bolzoni. He passed away in 2007 leaving his collection to his son. I wonder who I should leave my adult toy collection to on my passing.

The most couples kissing at one time was 13,577 pairs, meaning 27,154 people were kissing at once. This record was set on May 17, 2014, where the couples gathered at Carnival in Sao Paulo, to make out with each other. I think it’s time to do this again.

The Guinness World Record, so this one is official, for the longest sex duration is 15 hours, 7 minutes, and 23 seconds, which was achieved by a Nigerian man in 2013. I’m unsure if this was with one partner or several. I’m also not sure if he had to keep taking those blue pills to keep it up. I also want to know who watched.

This record is most coveted, even more so than breaking the 100m sprint at the Olympics.

You’ve guessed it, The World’s Biggest Penis.

There is some dispute about who is the true holder of this coveted record. New Yorker, Jonah Falcon was considered to have the world’s largest penis, clocking in at 24.13 flaccid and 34.29cm when erect. In recent years, a challenger from Mexico has come forth named Roberto Esquivel Cabrera, who claims to be the proud owner of a 48.26cm.

Surely someone should get out there and measure the monster and settle this dispute.

Let’s leave you with one that has kept me giggling. A German, Thomas Vogel can open 56 bras in one minute. I keep wondering how he figured out how he had this particular skill.

Until next week.

Please follow me on our social media platforms, or subscribe to our newsletter on lolamontez.co.za for discounts, specials and much more.

• Instagram – @lolamontezboutique
• Facebook – https://www.facebook.com/LOLA.MONTEZ.PAGE
• YouTube- https://www.youtube.com/SharonGordonLolaMontez

The post Bizarre Sex Records appeared first on Lola Montez.

I’ve been in the adult toy industry now for over 22 years. At one time in the Old South Africa, sex toys and pornography were illegal. There was a great opportunity to smuggle Playboys over the border from Swaziland and sell them in SA. If you got caught, jail.

Thankfully those laws have relaxed and selling adult toys is legal but still remains one of those edgy professions. There are all types of difficulties. Rental space is denied because nobody wants ‘that’ type of person next to them.

No advertising on social media-

Our posts are shadow ghosted especially if  products show. It is extremely difficult to get out there and known.

Everyone else can have highly suggestive adverts as long as what they are selling does not go near their genital! So, while we have come a long way, I started thing about what other countries are doing.

Obviously, Europe has a far freer attitude to sex and adult toys. All our distributors hail from across the continent. I was once told that one of the brands sold more product into a single store in Berlin per month than they did into South Africa in a year! I wanted to weep.

The legality of adult toys varies worldwide, with several countries enforcing bans on their use, possession, importation, or sale.

Notable examples include:

• Maldives: Classifies sex toys as “pornographic materials,” prohibiting their importation and possession. There is also a travel ban on sex toys, so don’t take them on holiday with you. Sad but true!
• Bhutan – Toys may be seized if you have the intent to sell. If you are visiting only take one with you, make sure it’s not your favourite, just in case!
• Saudi Arabia: Under Islamic law, sex toys are deemed “pornographic materials” and are banned.
• United Arab Emirates (UAE): The importation and possession of sex toys are illegal, with such items considered obscene.

Just Don’t

• Iran: Just don’t! There is a travel ban when it comes to sex toys. Being caught with one can lead to extreme consequences.
• Iraq – Same as Iran – Just don’t.
• Oman: Taking sex toys into Oman is illegal – Just Don’t even try.
• Kuwait: Has regulations against sex toys including having the ban from Islamic Law so you may have travel issues. Not sure about being in transit but I wouldn’t chance it.
• Qatar: It is illegal to travel to Qatar with sex toys. I am sure that this applies to being in transit as well, so don’t take the chance.
• Cayman Islands – Section 157 of their Penal Code restricts the importing of adult toys based on the probability of resale. It has rarely been enforced but something to be aware of!

Who knew:

• Thailand: Sex toys are categorized as “obscene objects,” making their importation and possession illegal.
• Indonesia: Travelling with sex toys can cause a problem and they may be confiscated. I wonder what they do with them.
• Sri Lanka: Sex toys can be confiscated at the airport. There is no hard and fast rule about being in possession of an adult toy. It all depends on who checks your bag and if they fancy it for themselves!
• Fiji: Some regulations can affect travelling with adult toys.
• Papau New Guinea: Sex toys are classified as sexual enhancements (which they are) but that means that they are illegal.
• Vietnam: The importation of sex toys is prohibited, and travellers may have such items confiscated upon entry.
• India: Sex toys are considered obscene under the Indian Penal Code, making their sale and distribution illegal. Travelling with them may lead to them being confiscated.
• Malaysia: The sale and importation of sex toys are illegal, with such items classified as obscene. There is also a travel ban on adult toys.

Africa

• Egypt: Under Islamic Laws sex toys are prohibited so you may have issues travelling with them.
• Turks and Caicos Islands: Sex toys are prohibited. It stands to reason that there would also be a travel ban.
• Senegal: Sex toys are banned and may cause travel issues.
• Malawi: Has very strict laws against adult toys and pornography which can result in a travel ban.
• Uganda: Sex toys are prohibited as is homosexuality. You can go to jail for not reporting if someone is gay so I wouldn’t chance it.
• Zambia: There are some restrictions around on particular types of sex toys which may lead to your pleasure product being confiscated. Don’t take the realistic looking ones.
• Zimbabwe: The importation or possession of sex toys is illegal, as they are deemed “indecent” or “obscene” under the country’s censorship laws.
• Botswana: There is a ban on the sale and use of sex toys. The way I understand the law is you can have one in your possession, but you may not use it! They also have to catch you using it, so maybe don’t be a cam girl!
• Kenya: There has been a history of confiscating adult toys when travelling to Kenya. We’re not sure about being in transit. I brought a couple in my luggage when I was in transit, and it didn’t seem to be a problem

Why?

• St Kits and Nevis: (I had to look up where this was, it’s in the Caribbean), Realistic looking sex toys can be banned from importation and may get flagged at the airport.
• Lucia: Another one where realistic looking sex toys are banned from importation and may get flagged. So be sure to take a lipstick or a Womanizer!
• United States (Alabama): The sale of sex toys is prohibited under the 1998 Anti-Obscenity Enforcement Act, though possession is not criminalized. You can own one, but you may not sell them.
• Texas: Bringing in more than 6 sex toys will get you into trouble but there is no travel ban. I wonder if you can stock your store 6 toys at a time. I’m not sure if there is a ban on the sale of sex toys.

I can’t remember which state it is in the USA who has recently made business licensing and conditions for adult stores so difficult that they are going out of business. One of the conditions is that on a prominent place on the window the words “Sexual Aids Sold Here’ or something similar.

I remember reading it and thinking you have to be bloody brave to walk in there.

22 years ago, I started the first female friendly boutique style adult store. It revolutionised the industry in South Africa. At one stage there were only 300 upmarket adult stores worldwide and I owned 4! Since then, the world has changed, and I am a part of it.

Today there are several stores that are not seedy, who will give great advice and sell you something that will add some zoom into your relationship. We don’t live in any of the countries mentioned above. Let’s be grateful and support those souls who are simply trying to make life better for everyone.

Please follow me on Social media for more tips, techniques and products

• Instagram – @lolamontezboutique
• Facebook – https://www.facebook.com/LOLA.MONTEZ.PAGE
• YouTube- https://www.youtube.com/SharonGordonLolaMontez

The post Sex Toy Bans around the World appeared first on Lola Montez.

Beyond the Basics:

At Lola Montez, we believe that exploring new sensations with your partner should be an exciting journey, not a confusing one. We recently received a wonderful enquiry from a couple looking to dive into the world of strap-ons, grinders, and wearable toys.

Because we know many of you have the same questions, we’ve put together this guide to help you navigate size, functionality, and finding the right gear for your unique connection.

1. Navigating Size and Proportions

When partners are different sizes, it’s common to feel unsure about what “fits.” The most important thing to remember is that the toy doesn’t need to match the wearer’s body size; it needs to match the receiver’s comfort level. Here are some basics and a Guide to Exploring Toys for Women-Seeking-Women:

• For the Wearer: Look for harnesses with high adjustability. A “one size fits most” harness with multiple adjustment points (waist and leg loops) ensures that even if you are smaller than your partner, the toy remains stable and flush against your body.
• For the Receiver: Start with a “slim” or “tapered” dildo. Length is often less intimidating than girth. A dildo with a 1.25″ to 1.5″ diameter is a standard starting point.
• The “Dual-Fit” Solution: If you plan on switching roles, look for a harness with a universal O-ring system. This allows you to swap out different dildos of various sizes so you can both enjoy what feels best for your individual bodies.

2. Dual Pleasure: Stimulation for the Wearer

You shouldn’t have to choose between giving and receiving! The cheap and cheerful sites killing our business, finds you saw are likely strapless strap-ons or wearable vibrators. At Lola Montez, we prioritize body-safe materials (like medical-grade silicone) over the mystery plastics often found on discount sites.

• Strapless Options: These are “U-shaped” toys. One end is inserted into the wearer to hold it in place (providing internal fullness and G-spot stimulation), while the other end is used for the partner.
• Harness-Compatible Vibrators: If you prefer a traditional strap-on for stability, you can find “vibrating bullets” or “panty vibes” that slip into the harness or sit against the wearer’s clitoris. This gives the wearer direct, hands-free stimulation while they are in motion.

3. The “Grinder” (Thigh Pads)

The “grinder pads” mentioned are often referred to as Thigh Harnesses or Bumper Pads.

• The Thigh Harness: This is a strap that wraps around the upper thigh with a base for a toy. It’s perfect for “tribbing” or “scissoring” positions where you want to grind against a textured surface or a toy without the “depth” of a traditional waist harness.
• Textured Bumpers: Some harnesses come with a textured “feel-doe” or a bumper that sits between the toy and the wearer. These are designed to turn the friction of the movement into pleasure for the person wearing the toy.

4. Other Ideas for Your Journey

If you’re just starting to explore, here are three “pro-tips” to make the experience seamless:

• Invest in High-Quality Lube: This is non-negotiable! For silicone toys, always use a water-based lubricant to keep the material smooth and safe.
• Try a “Wand” Together: Before jumping straight into strap-on play, use a high-powered wand vibrator during manual play. It’s a great way to build intimacy and understand each other’s vibration preferences.
• Communication is the Best Toy: Set a “check-in” word. Exploring new gear can be funny, clumsy, and exciting all at once. Being able to laugh and adjust together is what makes it special.

Looking for something specific? We are constantly updating our curated collection to ensure we offer only the best in body-safe, high-performance pleasure products. Reach out to our team for a personalized recommendation!

The post A Guide to Exploring Toys for Women-Seeking-Women appeared first on Lola Montez.

Season to be Kind It’s that time of the year. We’re all rushing to slow down. I can feel the year impaled in my bones and cannot wait to take a break. If you’re in hospitality this is the busy and silly season, so be kind to those around you.

I don’t know what has happened to kind. I think it left with the first Trump Presidency but if I really think about it, it started with the quiz show ‘The Weakest Link’. We all tuned in to watch how people were humiliated on television. We loved the cruel words and barbs. Being unkind became entertainment.

We all started doing it.

We have forgotten common decency. Nobody says please and thank you anymore. In one of my other jobs (I have several to pay the bills) I handed out washable pads to 250 young women. Personally, I think they are a wonderful gift. Sustainable, ecofriendly and money saving.

Our entitled youth however think that they are not for them, aspiring to landfilling disposables. But back to kindness. Out of the 250 packs taken (and they were taken) do you know how many said thank you?

One.

We have no table manners, no manners at all. Children push ahead of elders; parents sit on their phones and Trump is going to be president again.

This holiday season I would love us all to be a lot kinder. I am the first to admit that my mouth outruns my mind and is often unkind.

I bring my irritation into the bedroom which is a passion killer. I’m not going away at all this season which irritates me even more, so I am going to be extra mindful about my moods and intention.

Slowing down means we can concentrate on being mindful about our intimacy habits. If you’ve started treating sex like another chore on your to-do-list, I’m sure it shows and feels like it to your partner. Nobody wants to be on a to-do list. Unless it’s a mind-blowing do!

Slow it down.

Try to reestablish a connection. During the year, things have changed. Your body may have got fatter or thinner, maybe you had a baby. Maybe your baby left home. You need to reconfigure.

It’s time for a conversation. Make it kind. Don’t accuse or blame. Rather talk about what would make you feel better. Life can be simple. We all want to be loved, desired and appreciated. It’s the little things.

If you always get coffee in bed, make an effort to change that around. Deliver it with an intentional kiss. You’ll be surprised at the effect.

Touch is a powerful healer. We tend to think that genitals and breasts are the only parts that need attention. They should be very last on the list. All you have to do is to gently stroke a neck or a hand. You can grab an ass later.

Make this season a bit kinder.

You’ll be surprised at how it changes how you feel about yourself. You’ll smile more and we know that life is like a G-String. We’re all tuned in, and your frequency will influence and affect all of those around you.

I read a blessing or a curse recently. ‘May your day be as nice as you are!’ That landed.

Please follow me on social media for more tips, techniques and specials. It’s another one of those jobs I was talking about.

Instagram – @lolamontezboutique

Facebook – https://www.facebook.com/LOLA.MONTEZ.PAGE

YouTube- https://www.youtube.com/@SharonGordonLolaMontez

The post Season to be Kind appeared first on Lola Montez.